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    reality check
matthew mcnutt
My old youth pastor was on reality TV. I had written papers about him, spoke of him often, and referenced my days in his youth group with pride. The man who in many ways had defined my view of what a successful youth pastor looks like! Granted, I had not really been in contact with him in a while, but when I heard the news that less than a year after my reality television debut (on The Biggest Loser) my youth pastor and his wife would be featured on ABC’s Trading Spouses, I got a kick out of the thought that we now had another thing in common.
If you’re not familiar with the show, Trading Spouses tries to find two families who are polar opposites, and then swap the moms for a week and record all the resulting drama. I guess I assumed that the conservative couple I remembered from my youth would be the uptight religious types matched up with some left wing atheists, or something like that.
The episode featured a fifty-something-year-old, Mick Jagger look-alike pursuing his punk rock dreams. Smoking, non-stop, drinking through the night (even until breakfast), frequently swearing, losing his temper and acting bizarre, he made for quite a character. And that was my youth pastor.
I watched those two hours of primetime television with shock, and then growing disappointment and sadness. More than most people, I understand the toll that editing can take on someone’s reputation. J.D. Roth, executive producer for The Biggest Loser, warned us before filming began that reality TV exaggerates truth. He said they would make our good attributes look great and our negative quirks look horrible. But it is hard to dismiss the visual of my smoking, drinking, swearing mentor. All I could do is sit there, blindsided, wondering what in the world happened?
I had heard the rumors for a few years. There was some abusive stuff that happened at my old church, behind the scenes, from the leadership towards him. I wasn’t surprised because my dad was an associate pastor there at the time and was also on the receiving end of that too.
For a while, he and his wife took a break from traditional church, but couldn’t resist the call of youth ministry. They found themselves ministering once again at another church. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a healthy situation either, and the result was a burnt out, chewed up, hurting couple.
I guess we’ve probably all had those moments in student ministry that just cut us to the quick. It can be something mild, like people wishing they could have a paid ski vacation as part of their job (the only ones getting a vacation when their kid is with me for three days and two nights is THEM), or something truly hurtful, that feels like a betrayal or against the very core of what church “should” be. Somewhere along the line, though, my old mentor lost sight that the church does not define what Christianity is, and his disenchantment with a few toxic situations killed his spiritual joy and left him returning to the life and values he held before becoming a Christian.
It’s not the first time I’ve seen this. Growing up the son of a pastor, I’ve known a list of men and women who started off in ministry on fire and a few years later walked away from the church broken and disillusioned.
For me, this story is a reality check. We work with fallen, imperfect people. The natural results of that are hurt, confusion, and frustration. Just like Elijah begging God to take his life, we will have times of failure and despair. But those moments cannot define our view of following Christ!
It is critical to have a support network of fellow youth pastors and mentors—people I can lean on to help me during those moments of disappointment and frustration that are sure to come. These are individuals who I trust, and feel free to express my hurts. They guide me back to a place of health and balance, and they remind me that ministry is not always like this. The pain is only a temporary thing.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to become disillusioned with the church, but I need to act now to set myself up for longevity later.
...
http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/community-articles-from-the-field.html
matthew mcnutt
My old youth pastor was on reality TV. I had written papers about him, spoke of him often, and referenced my days in his youth group with pride. The man who in many ways had defined my view of what a successful youth pastor looks like! Granted, I had not really been in contact with him in a while, but when I heard the news that less than a year after my reality television debut (on The Biggest Loser) my youth pastor and his wife would be featured on ABC’s Trading Spouses, I got a kick out of the thought that we now had another thing in common.
If you’re not familiar with the show, Trading Spouses tries to find two families who are polar opposites, and then swap the moms for a week and record all the resulting drama. I guess I assumed that the conservative couple I remembered from my youth would be the uptight religious types matched up with some left wing atheists, or something like that.
The episode featured a fifty-something-year-old, Mick Jagger look-alike pursuing his punk rock dreams. Smoking, non-stop, drinking through the night (even until breakfast), frequently swearing, losing his temper and acting bizarre, he made for quite a character. And that was my youth pastor.
I watched those two hours of primetime television with shock, and then growing disappointment and sadness. More than most people, I understand the toll that editing can take on someone’s reputation. J.D. Roth, executive producer for The Biggest Loser, warned us before filming began that reality TV exaggerates truth. He said they would make our good attributes look great and our negative quirks look horrible. But it is hard to dismiss the visual of my smoking, drinking, swearing mentor. All I could do is sit there, blindsided, wondering what in the world happened?
I had heard the rumors for a few years. There was some abusive stuff that happened at my old church, behind the scenes, from the leadership towards him. I wasn’t surprised because my dad was an associate pastor there at the time and was also on the receiving end of that too.
For a while, he and his wife took a break from traditional church, but couldn’t resist the call of youth ministry. They found themselves ministering once again at another church. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a healthy situation either, and the result was a burnt out, chewed up, hurting couple.
I guess we’ve probably all had those moments in student ministry that just cut us to the quick. It can be something mild, like people wishing they could have a paid ski vacation as part of their job (the only ones getting a vacation when their kid is with me for three days and two nights is THEM), or something truly hurtful, that feels like a betrayal or against the very core of what church “should” be. Somewhere along the line, though, my old mentor lost sight that the church does not define what Christianity is, and his disenchantment with a few toxic situations killed his spiritual joy and left him returning to the life and values he held before becoming a Christian.
It’s not the first time I’ve seen this. Growing up the son of a pastor, I’ve known a list of men and women who started off in ministry on fire and a few years later walked away from the church broken and disillusioned.
For me, this story is a reality check. We work with fallen, imperfect people. The natural results of that are hurt, confusion, and frustration. Just like Elijah begging God to take his life, we will have times of failure and despair. But those moments cannot define our view of following Christ!
It is critical to have a support network of fellow youth pastors and mentors—people I can lean on to help me during those moments of disappointment and frustration that are sure to come. These are individuals who I trust, and feel free to express my hurts. They guide me back to a place of health and balance, and they remind me that ministry is not always like this. The pain is only a temporary thing.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to become disillusioned with the church, but I need to act now to set myself up for longevity later.
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