 | | | |
    the smell of ambition: confessions of an opportunist
vince beresford
Several years ago, I was invited to speak at a well-known outreach event. I eagerly accepted the invitation and was excited to be going in front of the biggest crowd of my life. In the weeks leading up to the event, my excitement grew as friends said they heard my name in some of the promotions on the radio. I still remember sitting there, moments before I spoke, thinking, “Wow, I’ve finally made it to the big time.” My heart raced before I went onstage, and I asked God to use me that night for His glory. He did—just not in the way I expected.
My talk went well. The audience was fully engaged and laughed at the appropriate moments. Everything was great . . . until the end. When I extended an invitation for people to enter into a relationship with Jesus, there was no reaction. Now, I’m not just referring to the complete lack of response—the frightening reality was that I didn’t sense God’s presence at all.
In contrast, a friend asked to speak at the last minute for his outreach event when the scheduled speaker missed his plane. I agreed. With no preparation, I was thrown onstage in front of a few hundred kids. I then delivered the worst, most inarticulate message of my life. The kids were all distracted, I had no movie clips or visual aids, and I found myself just wanting to get it done. Everything seemed horrible, until the end. After I stuttered my way through an invitation for students to enter into a relationship with Jesus, the response was simply overwhelming. I stood in awe as I watched a parade of students coming forward to pray with leaders and then noticed groups of students gathering all around the auditorium to pray for each other. The Holy Spirit truly invaded the place that evening, and all I could do was weep as the guilt and shame of my ambitious pride ran headlong into the presence of my holy God.
MY TWO-HEADED MONSTER
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be the best at everything I did. Now that I serve full-time at a church, well, that same drive still exists. What I’ve discovered over the years is that ambition is really a two-headed monster. One head drives us to become better or more effective than we are; the other tries to manipulate and “leverage” opportunities so that we can feel recognized and validated that we are “somebody.”
My own struggle has been this—which of these two motives drives me most? I can now honestly say that 80-95% of my drive is truly for God’s glory and the expansion of His Kingdom. However, I write this article because of the reality of the remaining 5%-20%. It is that wavering part of me that doesn’t want to die, that part of me that still likes the idea of becoming a famous youth ministry “guru.” It is that lingering piece that at times resembles the Pharisee who loves to sit at the head of the table. The part of me who wants to become a well-known author and speak in front of huge crowds. That part of me who wants to give God most of the glory and keep a little for myself.
I have discovered that ego and pride can easily creep in along with the excitement of seeing new people being reached with the Gospel message. Ambition is not only common, it’s insidious. After all, others authentically offer most of the encouragement we receive with genuine gratitude. That is why we must remain vigilant in watching for signs of the “ugly head” of ambition in our own hearts. How many more stories and examples do we need to hear about a pastor whose competence took him farther than his character could sustain. Henri Nouwen's states in his book, In The Name Of Jesus, “The leader of the future will be the one who dares to claim his irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows him or her to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success and to bring the light of Jesus there."
A friend told me once, “Servant-leadership is really about coming to grips with our hypocrisy.” I don’t think this is about being apologetic or repentant of the vision within me. I think this is about being convicted and painfully aware of “practicing our righteousness before men, to be noticed by them” (Matthew 6:1). Each time I speak now, I ask God that the message I am about to share would come from Him, be for Him, and that I would simply be a vessel for Him to use in the next few minutes. However, as I stand around and talk with students and leaders after our programs, I have found it so easy to listen for how I “came across” versus looking for what God did in the hearts of the students. In other words, I find myself listening for “Did they like me?” and “How’d I do?” rather than asking, “God, where do I see you moving so that I can continue pursuing you?”
THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS
The Bible challenges us to Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up (James 4:10). The Bible also says that I cannot serve two masters—but at times I feel like I do this well. Jesus tells me (us) that anyone who has ambition should become as a servant and slave (Matthew 20:25-28) and should take the lowest rank (Luke 22:25-26). Sounds simple doesn’t it?
Ultimately, I have discovered that I have to rethink my definition of success. How I view, approach, and strive for this idealistic reality in my mind is at the very core of how pure my motives are. So what is success?
If I was the youth pastor at Willow Creek or Saddleback, would that make me successful? If I was one of the “big names” speaking at a Youth Specialties conference, would I then be successful? What if I was the guy speaking at Acquire the Fire or one of the huge famous camps? What if I had my own parachurch organization with my name on it? What if I made my own short films where I taught and sold to thousands? What if I had a best-selling youth ministry book? Or if I had a youth group of over 500 or even 1,000? Would being the senior pastor at a megachurch mean that I had “arrived”?
God’s definition of success has little to do with what we do, the position we hold, or how “influential” we are. Success is not a place where we arrive or a status we attain. I am learning that success is ultimately being all-consumingly submissive to God today. Success is looking to see where God is moving, then joining him.
I must continually realign myself with God’s definition of success. Recently, I was asked to speak at an upcoming large event. One of my friends asked me, “Which excites you more, serving the people at your church and seeing them succeed, or being asked to speak at prestigious events?” Welcome to the journey.
I still believe that God wants me (and you) to do my very best in everything I do; however, He is most concerned about which “audience” I am doing it for. It’s much easier to pursue external rewards such as important titles, big numbers, speaking at “big” events, and having lots of “influence.” However, Jesus challenges me to a completely different kind of pursuit: “The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:11-12).
...
http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/community-articles-from-the-field.html
vince beresford
Several years ago, I was invited to speak at a well-known outreach event. I eagerly accepted the invitation and was excited to be going in front of the biggest crowd of my life. In the weeks leading up to the event, my excitement grew as friends said they heard my name in some of the promotions on the radio. I still remember sitting there, moments before I spoke, thinking, “Wow, I’ve finally made it to the big time.” My heart raced before I went onstage, and I asked God to use me that night for His glory. He did—just not in the way I expected.
My talk went well. The audience was fully engaged and laughed at the appropriate moments. Everything was great . . . until the end. When I extended an invitation for people to enter into a relationship with Jesus, there was no reaction. Now, I’m not just referring to the complete lack of response—the frightening reality was that I didn’t sense God’s presence at all.
In contrast, a friend asked to speak at the last minute for his outreach event when the scheduled speaker missed his plane. I agreed. With no preparation, I was thrown onstage in front of a few hundred kids. I then delivered the worst, most inarticulate message of my life. The kids were all distracted, I had no movie clips or visual aids, and I found myself just wanting to get it done. Everything seemed horrible, until the end. After I stuttered my way through an invitation for students to enter into a relationship with Jesus, the response was simply overwhelming. I stood in awe as I watched a parade of students coming forward to pray with leaders and then noticed groups of students gathering all around the auditorium to pray for each other. The Holy Spirit truly invaded the place that evening, and all I could do was weep as the guilt and shame of my ambitious pride ran headlong into the presence of my holy God.
MY TWO-HEADED MONSTER
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be the best at everything I did. Now that I serve full-time at a church, well, that same drive still exists. What I’ve discovered over the years is that ambition is really a two-headed monster. One head drives us to become better or more effective than we are; the other tries to manipulate and “leverage” opportunities so that we can feel recognized and validated that we are “somebody.”
My own struggle has been this—which of these two motives drives me most? I can now honestly say that 80-95% of my drive is truly for God’s glory and the expansion of His Kingdom. However, I write this article because of the reality of the remaining 5%-20%. It is that wavering part of me that doesn’t want to die, that part of me that still likes the idea of becoming a famous youth ministry “guru.” It is that lingering piece that at times resembles the Pharisee who loves to sit at the head of the table. The part of me who wants to become a well-known author and speak in front of huge crowds. That part of me who wants to give God most of the glory and keep a little for myself.
I have discovered that ego and pride can easily creep in along with the excitement of seeing new people being reached with the Gospel message. Ambition is not only common, it’s insidious. After all, others authentically offer most of the encouragement we receive with genuine gratitude. That is why we must remain vigilant in watching for signs of the “ugly head” of ambition in our own hearts. How many more stories and examples do we need to hear about a pastor whose competence took him farther than his character could sustain. Henri Nouwen's states in his book, In The Name Of Jesus, “The leader of the future will be the one who dares to claim his irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows him or her to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success and to bring the light of Jesus there."
A friend told me once, “Servant-leadership is really about coming to grips with our hypocrisy.” I don’t think this is about being apologetic or repentant of the vision within me. I think this is about being convicted and painfully aware of “practicing our righteousness before men, to be noticed by them” (Matthew 6:1). Each time I speak now, I ask God that the message I am about to share would come from Him, be for Him, and that I would simply be a vessel for Him to use in the next few minutes. However, as I stand around and talk with students and leaders after our programs, I have found it so easy to listen for how I “came across” versus looking for what God did in the hearts of the students. In other words, I find myself listening for “Did they like me?” and “How’d I do?” rather than asking, “God, where do I see you moving so that I can continue pursuing you?”
THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS
The Bible challenges us to Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up (James 4:10). The Bible also says that I cannot serve two masters—but at times I feel like I do this well. Jesus tells me (us) that anyone who has ambition should become as a servant and slave (Matthew 20:25-28) and should take the lowest rank (Luke 22:25-26). Sounds simple doesn’t it?
Ultimately, I have discovered that I have to rethink my definition of success. How I view, approach, and strive for this idealistic reality in my mind is at the very core of how pure my motives are. So what is success?
If I was the youth pastor at Willow Creek or Saddleback, would that make me successful? If I was one of the “big names” speaking at a Youth Specialties conference, would I then be successful? What if I was the guy speaking at Acquire the Fire or one of the huge famous camps? What if I had my own parachurch organization with my name on it? What if I made my own short films where I taught and sold to thousands? What if I had a best-selling youth ministry book? Or if I had a youth group of over 500 or even 1,000? Would being the senior pastor at a megachurch mean that I had “arrived”?
God’s definition of success has little to do with what we do, the position we hold, or how “influential” we are. Success is not a place where we arrive or a status we attain. I am learning that success is ultimately being all-consumingly submissive to God today. Success is looking to see where God is moving, then joining him.
I must continually realign myself with God’s definition of success. Recently, I was asked to speak at an upcoming large event. One of my friends asked me, “Which excites you more, serving the people at your church and seeing them succeed, or being asked to speak at prestigious events?” Welcome to the journey.
I still believe that God wants me (and you) to do my very best in everything I do; however, He is most concerned about which “audience” I am doing it for. It’s much easier to pursue external rewards such as important titles, big numbers, speaking at “big” events, and having lots of “influence.” However, Jesus challenges me to a completely different kind of pursuit: “The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:11-12).
... |
|
|
|
