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    when you have to be the bad guy
jeanne mayo
OK, I guess it’s just an unavoidable part of being in youth ministry. Most all the great suspense and adventure movies have one, so why shouldn’t youth ministry? What am I talking about? I’m referencing the occasional, not-so-fun role of being the “bad guy.” It’s a pretty raw topic for me right now because less than 24 hours ago, I found myself filling that role in a king-sized way. You see, I had to kick a student out of a year-long discipleship program which our youth ministry directs. Believe me, it was not one of my happiest ministry moments. Yet, I knew it was right.
So let’s talk a little about when you find yourself in the “bad guy” role. Maybe you have to deal firmly with students who are disrupting your youth service. Maybe you have to break the news to unsuspecting parents that their “perfect angel” is not quite so perfect. Or maybe you have to deal head-on with some rotten attitudes that will undermine the unity of your group unless someone confronts the issue directly and the offenders. (To make things more exciting, let’s assume that your Senior Pastor’s teenager is involved in one of these situations!)
Whatever the tough situation you find yourself in, allow me to relate some of the simple principles I try to embody during the “bad guy seasons” of ministry:
- Don’t react; respond. These three words are almost a mantra in my life. When situations become pressurized or sensitive, it is easy to inflame the atmosphere with your own emotion. Just refuse to get caught up in the emotion and make a reactionary response. Take time to weigh out your options and prayerfully submit them to the Lord. Engage your brain long before you engage your mouth. Remember that you will rarely regret words that you never say.
- It is tough to lead when their approval you need. Did you get that simple statement? Try reading it again. It’s pretty pivotal. You see, no one likes the occasional role of being the “bad guy.” But true leadership requires it in every arena. That’s why an effective youth leader must be secure enough in himself to make some hard calls even when they are not popular ones. If you need to please people all the time, you’ll never truly be their leader.
- Remind yourself that even Jesus filled the “Bad Guy” role occasionally in His ministry. Try kicking some money changers out of the temple and see how popular you are. Better yet, try telling your leadership team that the majority of them are going to deny knowing you when the pressure comes on. You probably won’t be winning the highest public opinion ratings during those seasons. Neither was Jesus. Yet He modeled for us that effective leadership requires the internal stamina and courage to make tough calls and refuse to waiver. He wore the “Bad Guy” label occasionally with honor. I hope you have enough character to sometimes do the same.
- You will forever wage the battle in youth ministry between “coach” and “companion.” Choose the first far more often than the second. Granted, “companions” don’t often find themselves being the buck-stopper when the difficult decisions come. That’s why youth ministry “companions” often appear to be better liked or more popular. But effective youth leaders know that though it is nice for a teenager to like you, it is not necessary. In short, remain the youth ministry “coach” in your relationships more than a mere “companion.” Youth leaders who are mere “buddies” will come and go. But youth leader “coaches” will be life-impacting forces who will shape the internal landscape of a student’s heart.
In closing, let me give you a smiling word of encouragement: Take heart! Jesus tells us to occasionally accept leadership misunderstanding as a “badge of honor.” Remember? He said, “Take heed when everyone thinks well of you.” With that focus, I must be doing really great in youth ministry lately!
Painful as it is to accept, I think “bad guy moments” in leadership often set us up to be misunderstood or falsely accused. People can easily misread your words, your motives, or your decisions. But Christ tells us that all true Kingdom followers will have these experiences. Better yet, He cautions us to get a little worried when we sail through life with everyone just saying kind, affirming things about us!
What’s the bottom line of this Scriptural principle? I guess Jesus was reminding us that if we haven’t been a “bad guy” in our youth ministries recently, we need to get busy! After all, “The man who wants to lead the orchestra must often turn his back to the crowd.”
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http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/community-articles-from-the-field.html
jeanne mayo
OK, I guess it’s just an unavoidable part of being in youth ministry. Most all the great suspense and adventure movies have one, so why shouldn’t youth ministry? What am I talking about? I’m referencing the occasional, not-so-fun role of being the “bad guy.” It’s a pretty raw topic for me right now because less than 24 hours ago, I found myself filling that role in a king-sized way. You see, I had to kick a student out of a year-long discipleship program which our youth ministry directs. Believe me, it was not one of my happiest ministry moments. Yet, I knew it was right.
So let’s talk a little about when you find yourself in the “bad guy” role. Maybe you have to deal firmly with students who are disrupting your youth service. Maybe you have to break the news to unsuspecting parents that their “perfect angel” is not quite so perfect. Or maybe you have to deal head-on with some rotten attitudes that will undermine the unity of your group unless someone confronts the issue directly and the offenders. (To make things more exciting, let’s assume that your Senior Pastor’s teenager is involved in one of these situations!)
Whatever the tough situation you find yourself in, allow me to relate some of the simple principles I try to embody during the “bad guy seasons” of ministry:
- Don’t react; respond. These three words are almost a mantra in my life. When situations become pressurized or sensitive, it is easy to inflame the atmosphere with your own emotion. Just refuse to get caught up in the emotion and make a reactionary response. Take time to weigh out your options and prayerfully submit them to the Lord. Engage your brain long before you engage your mouth. Remember that you will rarely regret words that you never say.
- It is tough to lead when their approval you need. Did you get that simple statement? Try reading it again. It’s pretty pivotal. You see, no one likes the occasional role of being the “bad guy.” But true leadership requires it in every arena. That’s why an effective youth leader must be secure enough in himself to make some hard calls even when they are not popular ones. If you need to please people all the time, you’ll never truly be their leader.
- Remind yourself that even Jesus filled the “Bad Guy” role occasionally in His ministry. Try kicking some money changers out of the temple and see how popular you are. Better yet, try telling your leadership team that the majority of them are going to deny knowing you when the pressure comes on. You probably won’t be winning the highest public opinion ratings during those seasons. Neither was Jesus. Yet He modeled for us that effective leadership requires the internal stamina and courage to make tough calls and refuse to waiver. He wore the “Bad Guy” label occasionally with honor. I hope you have enough character to sometimes do the same.
- You will forever wage the battle in youth ministry between “coach” and “companion.” Choose the first far more often than the second. Granted, “companions” don’t often find themselves being the buck-stopper when the difficult decisions come. That’s why youth ministry “companions” often appear to be better liked or more popular. But effective youth leaders know that though it is nice for a teenager to like you, it is not necessary. In short, remain the youth ministry “coach” in your relationships more than a mere “companion.” Youth leaders who are mere “buddies” will come and go. But youth leader “coaches” will be life-impacting forces who will shape the internal landscape of a student’s heart.
In closing, let me give you a smiling word of encouragement: Take heart! Jesus tells us to occasionally accept leadership misunderstanding as a “badge of honor.” Remember? He said, “Take heed when everyone thinks well of you.” With that focus, I must be doing really great in youth ministry lately!
Painful as it is to accept, I think “bad guy moments” in leadership often set us up to be misunderstood or falsely accused. People can easily misread your words, your motives, or your decisions. But Christ tells us that all true Kingdom followers will have these experiences. Better yet, He cautions us to get a little worried when we sail through life with everyone just saying kind, affirming things about us!
What’s the bottom line of this Scriptural principle? I guess Jesus was reminding us that if we haven’t been a “bad guy” in our youth ministries recently, we need to get busy! After all, “The man who wants to lead the orchestra must often turn his back to the crowd.”
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