Jason, one of the many problems I had in my early youth ministry years was trying to think I could teach parents how to parent—big mistake! I was barely even a parent myself, let-alone a parent of a teenager. I remember teaching a “parenting seminar” where the parents looked at me with an expression of, “yea, right…I can tell you don’t have a teenager pal. That idea might work on toddler, but it will never work on a teenager…as a mater of fact, I’m going to follow your children around when they’re teenagers and laugh at your attempts to implement that stupid idea.” Thank goodness, no parent ever used those words… but their looks sure communicated that I wasn’ t a credible source of parenting experience. And, they were right. I didn’t know what I was talking about.

As a youth pastor, I knew about teenagers but I didn’t know how to parent them. I may have known more about adolescent development, more current music culture, a few more slang words than the average parent, but I really knew nothing regarding how to actually parent teenagers. When I awoke to this reality, I changed my view of parent/family ministry. I moved from the self-imposed educator to the youth pastor-slash-encourager.

Now, one of my primary roles to parents is to breath life into families through my words. I’ve seen this simple strategy work more effectively than any parent’s banquet or small group. Bottom line: Parents are dying for affirmation in their role as parents and they crave positive input regarding their child. I’m still not of age where all my kids are teenagers, but I’m old enough to appreciate compliments directed toward me regarding my 13, 10, and 6 year old.

Here’s a simple truth; every parent loves to hear positive qualities about their child. That’s one thing you can do as a youth worker regardless of your age and parenting skills. You can build up a family with your words.

Right before I sat to write this article, I received an e-mail from a parent in our ministry. She asked a question about one of our programs, and at the bottom of the letter she wrote… PS: “Thanks for the kind words about Josh the other night...nothing makes a mom feel better than to hear her child genuinely praised and affirmed.”

This type of response should become normal…the Scriptures clearly teach the power of words.

“Kind words are like honey-- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24 (NLT) “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4 (NIV)

My challenge to you is to find ways to breath life into families by complimenting them on their children. When you return from your winter retreat, don’t rush off to clean the vans, instead meet parents in the parking lot and look them in the eyes and tell them a “success” story regarding their child and camp. When your mid-week Bible study is finished, go into your office and make three phone calls to parents of students who attended. Simply tell the parents something positive you observed in their child during the night. Go out of your way during the Sunday School hour, every week, to find a parent and stroke them with a compliment. If it’s sincere and specific, it will stick.

Believe me, parents won’t remember your latest and greatest sermon, but they ’ll never forget you nor your words when they build up their child. This challenge may seem simple, but it’s important to the foundation of a healthy ministry to families.

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